So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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