Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
