I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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