wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
