I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
