I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
