I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
