I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
