I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
