I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
