3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
