I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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