Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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