Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
