omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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