I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
