I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
