I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
