You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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