what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
