Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
