he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
