He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
