I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
