i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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