her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize