I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
