How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize