I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
