hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
