yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
