you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
