you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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