I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize