you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
