so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It's never too late to be topless.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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