Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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