Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
