you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
