Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
