I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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