so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
