Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
