If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
