I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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