I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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