omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize