just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize