hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize