he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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