Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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