Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
