the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
