i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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