yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
