Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
