Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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