She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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