then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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