I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
