I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
