I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
