your parents love me but you hate me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
