You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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