Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize
