the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
