i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Someone signed my nipple.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
