He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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